


Plant One on Me, Please!

by StariWolfe



Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda Implied?, honestly it's up to your discretion there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 05:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StariWolfe/pseuds/StariWolfe
Summary: Altair and Vesper have retired for the day, and Altair is extremely bored. So what does he do? Harass his girlfriend with plant puns, of course!





	Plant One on Me, Please!

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write some cute shit since I'm gonna be a while updating the party story so here you go

“Hey. Hey, Vess. Hey. Dear heart, guess what?”

“...I feel like I’m gonna regret asking this, but what is it, love?”

“You’re a suc-CUTE-lent!”

Vesper groaned and fell back against the pillows on her side of the bed, which was exactly the reaction Altair was hoping for. The woman loved puns, but only when she was telling them.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t push you off this bed, mate.” Vesper hoisted herself back into a sitting position, turning her eyes back to the book she’d been reading.

“Because you love me and would be sorely disappointed if I wasn’t here to cuddle you when we actually went to sleep.” Altair winked at her from his position on his side. The two had changed into their nightclothes and retired to their room for the day, tuckered out from the guild activities they’d done and ready for some alone time. For Vesper, this had meant beginning to read a new book she’d acquired from her last trip in Lion’s Arch, and for Altair, it meant checking over his weapons and armor and making sure everything was in tip-top shape. 

But he’d finished early, as his armor and weapons had taken little damage from the day’s ventures. And thus, Altair had become incredibly bored. Bored enough that he’d taken to flirting with his lovely girlfriend with as many plant-based puns as he could come up with. It was incredibly entertaining, to say the least.

“...You’re lucky you’re so damn attractive, mate.” She didn’t even bother to look up from her book to meet his gaze, but he could tell she was secretly enjoying this while also hating it, somehow. Altair had no idea how that worked, but as long as he was entertained and she was happy, he wasn’t going to question it.

“Oh, I know.” He ran a hand through his hair, hoping to give off a sexy or seductive look. He’d untied his ponytail when he’d changed into his nightclothes, so his leafy hair was draped all around his shoulders. And he knew Vesper adored that. “I have to say, I look pretty SHARP when my hair is down, don’t I?”

“Why are you like this?” Vesper buried her face in her book, trying desperately not to groan again, much to Altair’s delight. She was adorable when she was enduring a taste of her own medicine.

“You know you wouldn’t change me for the world, sweetheart. We have to STICK together, after all!” Altair was having a ball. She actually glared at him this time.

“I want you to know that I’m super close to taking a sleeping bag up to Nocte’s room so I can be free of your puns.” 

“That’s all well and good, dear heart, but there’s one problem with that.”

“Oh really? And what, pray tell, would that be?”

Seconds after she finished her sentence, Altair pounced on her, grabbing her torso. With a bit of quick maneuvering, he had her pinned beneath him, with his arms around her waist and his head resting on her chest, just under her chin. He smirked at her indignant expression from his position.

“It was incredibly bold of you to assume that I’d let you leave the bed, dear heart. I’ll never let you LEAF.”

Vesper struggled a bit to try and get out from underneath him, but, finding him to be a bit too resilient for her strength, resigned to her fate and fell back against the pillows. Altair squeezed her gently, snuggling closer to her. She picked her book back up and held it above her head to attempt to continue her reading. 

“Hey, Vess. Hey. Guess what?” The sylvari was trying very hard not to laugh now.

“...What?”

“I just wanted you to know, I’m very FROND of you!” At this declaration, Vesper resumed her struggles in earnest, trying to push him away in vain. Altair couldn’t hold back his laughter this time, giggling uncontrollably as he grabbed her wrists and pinned them down too. He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked down at her. He thought she was beautiful, with how her hair was messy and in her face from her struggles. Vesper apparently couldn’t hide her joy any longer, either, as she was smiling wide, even though she was still attempting to glare at him.

“You, my love, are a piece of shit!” She was still attempting to free her hands from his grip with little success. 

“Oh, come now, dear heart! I’m your piece of shit. Besides, you’re just upset that you’re getting a taste of your own medicine. I think the cure for that is…” He swiftly leaned down and kissed the front of her neck. He smiled against her skin when he heard her gasp. Neck kisses were a giant weakness of hers. “...for me to PLANT a kiss on you. So, did it work? Are you less upset now?” He lifted his head back up to look at her face.

She was looking everywhere but his eyes for a moment until it seemed like what he was doing dawned on her. 

“Wait just a damn minute, are you trying to seduce me with bloody plant puns!?” She looked back at him, eying his face as if trying to glean the answer from him that way.

“That depends on whether it’s working or not.” He winked at her. He wasn’t going to coerce her into anything, of course, but if she wanted it to be seduction, who was he to say no? She looked at him silently for a few seconds before averting her eyes.

“The plant puns certainly aren’t working. The kisses, however…” She turned back to him, a sly smile on her face. “Well, they might be. I might need a bit more evidence to support that thought, though.”

He smiled wolfishly at her, before lowering himself onto her and diving back in to kiss her neck several more times, and smiling every time he heard her gasp or when he felt her squirm underneath him.

At least his boredom was cured.


End file.
